Saturday, June 1, 2013

Some things you're just not ready for...

Some days Dad knows who we are, some days he doesn't.

I was caught up short yesterday when Sis and I were visiting Dad. We suspected that he didn't realize who we were, but he pretends: somewhere inside him he knows he *should* know us, so he acts as if he does.

Well, evidently he thought I was my Mom during this visit because he made a totally inappropriate remark to me, something a husband would say to a wife, not a father to a daughter.

I have to admit, my first reaction was shock. And then there was the "ick" factor (this is my father, after all). And finally, there was complete sadness as the realization set in that he really, truly did not know who I was.

You can educate yourself: read all the literature you can get your hands on, watch all the videos you can find on YouTube, talk to as many experts as you can. You can tell yourself over and over that you know what's coming with this disease and that you are prepared. And it will *still* find a way to stop you in your tracks, suck the breath out of your soul, and make you sad in ways you never thought possible.

There will probably be more inappropriate remarks in the future. And there will come a day when my father doesn't know us at all.

We know it's inevitable. We know it's coming.

And we still won't be ready for it.

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